I know there are many different definitions for stress. It's individual, the results of it for the most part. I am so tired of the pain I feel when I get stressed. My entire body tenses up and neurons start firing erratically and the back of my skull wants to pop off. Finding stress relief is not an easy task. There are days I wish to just walk until I can no longer walk anymore, there are other days when I want to scream until I am hoarse. For the most part, I just want it to go the F*ck away!!!
I feel as though I have cleaned my share of vomit and poop. I have drawn my share of blood from my child's chest. I have carefully peeled off a dressing, only to apply another right on top of the red, chafed skin. Poor Becca doesn't get a decent enough chance to be as "normal" as she can be. She can't do as much as she wants, if she does, her body pays dearly. She gets so overtired I wonder if she can fall asleep. There are typically developing 16 year old children out there that purposely put their body through torture, physical and mental. What does she want? She wants her picture of Ricky Ullman, her favorite Zucchini Brother's Tee shirt to wear and a niple or two to chew on. I know, I spelled it with one "P" that's the way she says it. I doubt the words she speaks in her way will ever sound right ever again to my ears.
Honestly, if a study comes out and says that Clorox disinfecting wipes are bad for you and they are taking them off the market, I don't know what I'd do. I kill soooo many trees in a week with paper towel consumption it's a crime. You can only get fabric to smell ok after awhile.
So, what is this stress doing to our bodies?? I feel like it makes me feel alive somedays and others, I want to crawl back under the covers. Not today. Today, I am thankful Becca went to school. I will be especially thankful if she makes it the whole day. I am not even counting on the entire week. One day at a time. Stinks to live this way, but it is what it is. Thanks for letting me rant. With love, e
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