White Wine is my new friend.

I feel as though life is starting to get a bit out of control again.  I do not have the time, nor the inclination to "talk to somebody" so I will blog instead.  Today I was exhausted and cranky, wishing I could take a nap, but unable to.  I am dog sitting two Boston Terriers, and one is 6mo old.  He's as sweet as the day is long, but a p.i.t.a.  !!!  He follows me everywhere and I usually end up tripping over him.  All the older dogs just know to stay out of the way.  Not him, he sits there with wide eyed amazement at my every move.  Always ready to lick my face when I trip over him on the kitchen floor.  Yeah, lots of fun. 
So, I needed a nap today, I laid down on the couch, and he decided my curly hair would make the best nesting place for him.  I only got so far into my nap when his snoring woke me up.  No nap for me today.  So, I got myself a glass of wine, and now I'm on number two of the wine.  Michael just asked me if I was drunk facebooking.  No, just venting and rambling.  Anyone who knows me knows I tend to need to let loose every now and again.
The admission to St. Margaret's Center for Becca has been pushed off until June 2nd, due to construction issues.  Michael just asked me how often I plan on visiting Becca when she's in St. Margarets.  OMG, I want to say everyday, as my life has revolved around her every day for the last 17 years or so, but realistically, I don't know.  How am I going to make it from day to day without her and her peeing on the kitchen floor, or vomiting at will, or sing songy voice??  I will have to just make do and find Eileen again.  I so wish I could get a job, or even return to Nursing School, but I know I can't do either right now. Things are too fluid at this point in my life.  My brain is two steps ahead of my body, as usual, and my body can't keep up.  I have to find a way to quiet my brain.  I'm still waiting for my foot to feel "normal" since the cryosurgery, but I know it will take a bit to heal.  I want to wear cute flip flops because it's summer, but my feel yell to be put in sneakers with the orthotics and my nice cushy socks.  Anyone who has ever seen my toes will say, stuff them back into sneakers, no flip flops, PLEASE!!!  It's laugh or cry, folks.  I chose to have a glass of white wine and laught tonight.  Be well, and thanks for checking in.  Love, e

Just what is STRESS???

I know there are many different definitions for stress.  It's individual, the results of it for the most part.  I am so tired of the pain I feel when I get stressed.  My entire body tenses up and neurons start firing erratically and the back of my skull wants to pop off.  Finding stress relief is not an easy task.  There are days I wish to just walk until I can no longer walk anymore, there are other days when I want to scream until I am hoarse.  For the most part, I just want it to go the F*ck away!!!
I feel as though I have cleaned my share of vomit and poop.  I have drawn my share of blood from my child's chest.  I have carefully peeled off a dressing, only to apply another right on top of the red, chafed skin.  Poor Becca doesn't get a decent enough chance to be as "normal" as she can be.  She can't do as much as she wants, if she does, her body pays dearly.  She gets so overtired I wonder if she can fall asleep.  There are typically developing 16 year old children out there that purposely put their body through torture, physical and mental.  What does she want?  She wants her picture of Ricky Ullman, her favorite Zucchini Brother's Tee shirt to wear and a niple or two to chew on.  I know, I spelled it with one "P" that's the way she says it.  I doubt the words she speaks in her way will ever sound right ever again to my ears.
Honestly, if a study comes out and says that Clorox disinfecting wipes are bad for you and they are taking them off the market, I don't know what I'd do.  I kill soooo many trees in a week with paper towel consumption it's a crime.  You can only get fabric to smell ok after awhile. 
So, what is this stress doing to our bodies??   I feel like it makes me feel alive somedays and others, I want to crawl back under the covers.  Not today.  Today, I am thankful Becca went to school.  I will be especially thankful if she makes it the whole day.  I am not even counting on the entire week.  One day at a time.  Stinks to live this way, but it is what it is.  Thanks for letting me rant.  With love, e

Boring has left the building......

Feeling battle scarred.  Bad couple of weeks.  BAD.  Bordering on banner low week.  Becca and I are both home from the hospital.  I have so much to say, but don't know where to begin.  There are things that I need to shout from the rooftops, and yet, this is not the correct forum.  I think I will put a lot more in notepad and not on here, as this is public. 
I do want to Thank all my family and friends for their prayers and help, be it, spiritually, financially, physically or virtually.  My family could not have weathered this storm without you all. 
This is just the beginning of something new, a whole new world, as Becca puts it.  She is chomping at the bit, ready to start her new life at St. Margarets Center.  She asks frequently when she is going there.  Ok, it's not like we have two way conversations, or a dialogue, but she'll ask "Blue Alladin St MMMmskd???"   We call it blue alladin st margarets center, and it comes out as a mumble in the end, but blue alladin is clear.  I tell her we need a bed there for her first, then she can go, it can be anytime now, but I don't know what day.  It makes our decision a bit easier on us.  Being exhausted physically, spiritually, mentally makes this move easier on us, also. 
Thank you for checking in.  I will end for now, as this rant could go a hundered different ways, and I'll try to stay on task here.