The 10 year anniversary of the September 11, 2001 tragedy is just around the corner. I still have a hard time watching the newscasts from that day. Ten years ago, I had a critically ill husband in the hospital. We did not know if he was going to pull through and ever come home. That liver abcess was almost the end of what we knew to be our life. Michael has the multitude of scars on his body to prove it.
While he was battling his fever, having a picc line inserted, having numerous CT scans of his abdomen, and generally feeling like hell, I was trying to hold our household together, while running north and south on the highway, from home to the hospital, 3 exits away.
I remember trying to keep some sense of normality to my girls' life. They didn't miss school, dinner was at the same time every day, then baths and bedtime. I felt as though I was fighting a battle I couldn't win.
Then there's the phone calls I was making to the mortgage company, and the finance company for our car. I would explain our situation, and they suggested I call them back when the payments where late. Um, what the hell do you think I'm calling you for now?? I want to make arrangements BEFORE there are late charges.
I do thank god everyday for Michael's Grandmother. If it weren't for her financial support, we would have been in ruins. She sent me money to cover everything. We were also having to pay COBRA for our insurance. Ooh, that was fun, admitting him to the hospital on a Saturday, hoping and praying they wouldn't call the insurance company until Monday to verify coverage, because it would show it had been cancelled on August 31st. Once your'e in the hospital, they can't throw you out due to no insurance.
So, on the 10 year anniversary, I will not be watching the memorial shows. All the artifacts from the World Trade Center are in the NYS Library, about 5 miles from my home, on display. No, I have not attended the shows at the library. Because the pain is still so real, I may never return to the NYS Library. I can only handle one tragedy at a time.
